Telling your adult children that their parents are divorcing is not easy, especially if your marital problems were not evident during their childhood. Children who perceive their parents as having an ideal marriage and do not foresee divorce on the horizon often find it challenging to cope, especially when they share a close bond with their parents. They might respond emotionally or feel abandoned, depressed, betrayed and angry.
Avoid telling your grown children that you stayed together for them when you tell them you’re divorcing, as this could cause them to feel guilty. They might reflect on their childhood memories and ponder the genuineness of their familial interactions. You should also avoid including children in conversations about the divorce proceedings. Involving children in the details, even if they are grown, might result in animosity that affects your relationship.
What to say to your adult children about your divorce
When you tell your children that you’re divorcing, use a gentle approach. Your children may be in shock after learning about your intention to end your marriage and may struggle to absorb what you are saying to them. This is why you may need to have the same conversation with them multiple times. Doing so can help them fully grasp the changes you’re making.
Remind them that you love them and won’t ask them to choose sides. They will likely have questions, which you should answer honestly, without casting blame on your spouse.
Explain how your divorce will affect them
Share your plans with your adult children, especially if you must sell your home. Let them know that you may need to make some changes to any financial support you give them, especially if you can no longer help them with college or rent.
Once you have let your grown children know that you are divorcing, seek legal assistance with the process.