You might not enjoy talking to your ex or soon-to-be ex. Maybe conversations often turn into arguments. Perhaps they use the interactions to make you feel bad about yourself. Or maybe you still want to be with them and need to limit contact to help you get over them.
Whatever the situation, continued communication is essential if you share minor children. It can range from the small things, such as what time your child needs picked up from their friend’s house, to the bigger issues, such as which high school they’ll go to next year.
It can be tempting to rely on your children to carry some of those messages. While it might seem harmless, it is best avoided.
Children should not be exposed to negative reactions
A tut, a sigh or a change of expression could all be enough to indicate to a child relaying a message that all is not well. A thump of a fist or an expletive uttered will do the same, even more forcefully. The child might correctly interpret that reaction as the receiver’s frustration with the other parent – not that this is good for them. Or they might misinterpret it. They might go away feeling like they are a pain for one or both parents. Or that their parent would rather be doing something else with their time. Or that they are the cause of the disagreements between their parents.
Children can confuse messages
Have you ever had your child come home from school and start telling you something important the teacher said, only to forget what it was they were meant to tell you? Or to give you a message that does not make sense or you are sure cannot be correct?
Kids are not the most reliable messengers, and as incorrect or undelivered messages can be problematic, it is best to pass messages to the other parent yourself. If talking is an issue, try text, email or a parenting app.
Considering communication options while creating your parenting plan can help set the framework for a better working relationship as co-parents.