How to communicate with your spouse during divorce

Photo of attorney Melinda L. Singer

Every divorce is different. While in some cases it’s vital to communicate through attorneys, some divorcing spouses talk, especially those in cases that didn’t stem from domestic violence or other traumatic events. 

If you and your spouse are comfortable with communication during divorce, here are four tips that can help you:

Don’t talk to your spouse as if you are still in a relationship with them

Disengaging and being objective when communicating with your soon-to-be ex-spouse is crucial. Talking to them as if you are still involved with them can lead to conflicts. 

If they disagree on a matter, do not take it personally. Take a step back, assess their perspective and then respond. Basically, treat any discussion you have with your spouse during divorce as a business conversation.

Be calm

Anything negative you say to your spouse can disadvantage you. Thus, avoid talking to them when you are upset. When arguments arise, politely excuse yourself – you can contact them when you calm down.

Only communicate when necessary

You and your spouse should only communicate about issues related to the divorce. These include property division, child custody and support, living arrangements during separation, spousal support and so on. 

If they raise an issue unrelated to the divorce, politely decline to participate in the conversation. Unnecessary discussions can lead to misunderstandings. You and your spouse should agree on topics you can discuss and those to avoid.

Choose a communication channel

You should agree on how to contact each other during divorce. You can meet in person if you are comfortable or communicate through phone calls, emails or text messages. You also need to choose a communication channel for emergencies.

Communication during divorce can be beneficial. Seek legal help to have peaceful interactions with your future ex-spouse.  


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